


Realization

by Madizenmadi



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Nationverse, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:35:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25735156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madizenmadi/pseuds/Madizenmadi
Summary: Ivan and Gilbert realize that feeling they feel towards each other is a little thing called love.
Relationships: Prussia/Russia (Hetalia)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Realization

Ivan fell in love with Gilbert quickly. 

When he first met him, when he was frightened by his hostile exterior but was then able to see the gentle, caring nature underneath, Ivan had already begun falling. He wasn’t sure when he fully fell in love with his friend, he only knew the moment he could finally put a name to the warm feeling that always accompanied the thought of the albino.

It was spring, when the snow had thawed and the sun was bright and warm; the grass soft and covered in a morning dew. He was with Toris, Feliks, and Gilbert. They were playing a game, chasing each other around with flowers and throwing pebbles. Ivan didn’t catch it, but Feliks had said something that sent Gilbert to the ground in pure, chaotic laughter and Ivan was stunned in hearing such a bright, purely joyous sound so loudly and so shamelessly from the albino’s pink lips. His laugh was harsh and he snorted in attempting to breathe during his laughing fits, but Ivan found himself mesmerized. The other two were laughing, of course, Ivan knew that, but for some reason, all he heard was Gilbert. 

It was then, under the spring sun and against the warm grass, that Ivan realized what he felt for Gilbert was much more than he should feel for a friend. He was captivated by the German’s happiness, yearning to hear more of it and needing to witness it more often. They seldom saw one another, and the fact pained Ivan to his core, but the time they spent apart only made Ivan want Gilbert more. He ached to be beside him, holding his hand against the young warmth.

Ivan knew very little of love, or even attraction in general. To him, the entire idea was foreign. He’d heard his sisters fawn over multiple men and the occasional woman, claiming they were in love just from a glance. Ivan never understood it, and had even asked his sisters about it. He’d never felt an attraction to anyone before. Sure, he thought people looked lovely in certain clothes or a woman’s hair could be beautiful, but Ivan had just never… felt an attraction for anyone outside of aesthetics or platonics. His sister had attempted to explain it as looking at someone and wanting to kiss them, to be close to them, closer than friends could be. She explained it as knowing you would never be satisfied in a life they didn’t touch. Ivan still didn’t understand.

Now, the understanding came in a rush. 

He realized the amount of times he’d gazed at Gilbert’s lips, the amount of times he’d feel a rush of heat over his entire body from something so simple as eye contact from the albino. He realized the urge to pull him closer anytime Gilbert’s skin brushed his, or the racing in his heart when Gilbert sat beside him. His chest felt light even when Gilbert annoyed him, whereas he’d be tempted to strangle any of his other friends if they did the same. His mind seemed to always lag around Gilbert, and he was more shy than he was around anyone else. 

He saw men and women kiss all the time, but he’d always been disgusted. The thought of kissing Gilbert did the opposite. Anyone but his sisters touching him made Ivan extremely uncomfortable, but the feeling he got when Gilbert touched him? He couldn’t get enough of it. 

He realized he wanted Gilbert in his life, forever; he didn’t want to live in a life that Gilbert didn’t touch. He wanted to give Gilbert happiness, he wanted to give Gilbert everything. Ivan yearned for his soul, for his heart, for his love. He wanted to know everything about Gilbert, and he wanted to love every inch for the rest of his days.

Ivan was young, and he was an immortal nation; it was fact that he was accustomed to change, change was imperative, but there was one thing Ivan didn’t want to change, and that was having Gilbert at his side. 

The revelation brought a smile to his face and an overwhelming happiness encased him. He didn’t need to hear whatever joke Feliks had said that had caused his friend to spiral into laughter. His realization filled him with enough happiness to make him fall into the grass beside Gilbert and laugh as well.

Ivan loved him. He was in love with Gilbert Beilschmidt.

Gilbert didn’t think the feeling he had around Ivan was love at all. How could it be? 

Gilbert knew the feeling he had around Ivan was different than anyone else he was around, but the thought of the feeling being love didn’t dare cross his mind. That was ridiculous. Not only did they rarely see one another because of the lives they lived, but they were also both men. 

He didn’t know how to put a name to it. All he knew was Ivan made his stomach flutter. Ivan's voice, or even the mention of his name sent Gilbert's heart into an odd jump and he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else. When Ivan brushed against him, Gilbert didn't have that urge to shove him away for his desired personal space; with anyone else, he would do so without a thought of remorse, but with Ivan, Gilbert would want him closer. When Ivan's fingers brushed his skin, Gilbert got shivers down his spine and the skin in contact would tingle so bad he’d try to itch it. He always wanted to listen to whatever Ivan was saying; he was sure he'd listen to anything Ivan had to say just to hear his thick accent break through. 

But, he and Ivan were both men, and it couldn’t possibly be love. 

Gilbert's realization came in the dead of night, from a dream. 

He dreamt of the Russian; dreamt of his smile, his hands, his eyes. He dreamt of his voice and his laughter and his blush he’d get whenever he did something he thought was embarrassing but Gilbert found endearing. The rest of the dream was a blur, all of it hazy around Ivan, whose every detail rang clear as day in Gilbert's head, right down to the slight freckles on his pale, round cheeks. 

In his dream, those freckles came closer. In his dream, Gilbert watched those bright lavender eyes close gently and he felt the Russian’s warm hand on his face, his large thumb gently caressing Gilbert’s jaw. He felt Ivan's presence, inches from his own, he felt Ivan's soft breath against his lips...

He woke up quickly, sitting upright in his cot and gripping the thin cloth under him while he struggled to pull air into his breathless lungs. 

There was a light pressure on his lips; it was warm, it was tingling. The albino raised his hand and gently touched them, but the feeling didn't fade for another few seconds. The linger was all the time Gilbert needed for the word to flash in his head, clear as a church bell in the morning. 

Love. 

Gilbert.. 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥- he was… 

Gilbert was 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 with 𝘐𝘷𝘢𝘯 𝘉𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘴𝘺.

The thought terrified him. 

The thought terrified him because they were both men. And Ivan was 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥. Ivan was his friend and there was no way Ivan would ever feel the same towards Gilbert. 

Fear struck Gilbert’s heart at the thought of Ivan finding out. If he found out, he’d hate him, he’d hate him and Gilbert would 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

Gilbert laid back down and hugged his blanket closer to his body. He closed his eyes once more and prayed to God for his friendship with Ivan to remain something he has forever, for his feelings to disappear when he woke up the next day so he could continue to have Ivan at his side.

His feelings never left, they only got stronger with every thought of him and Gilbert cursed the Russian for taking up so much space in his head.

Gilbert never looked at Ivan the same after that. How could he? 

But, after a few years, the fear eased and Gilbert finally saw the true beauty of it all. 

Ivan was sitting beside him, eating his borscht and making a mess when he laughed at Gilbert’s joke mid-bite. Gilbert hadn’t stopped himself in time from wiping the Russian’s mouth, and Ivan’s face erupted into a bright red, his eyes wide before he looked down at his food from embarrassment. 

Gilbert smiled, realizing that being in love with Ivan was one of the easiest things he’d ever done, and he shouldn’t be angry at himself for falling. Being in love with Ivan wasn’t the end of the world, it was beautiful, and it was the best thing Gilbert had ever felt. He didn’t want to get rid of that feeling, even if he knew he could never act on it. 

As long as Ivan was in his life, Gilbert was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> So... I realized I haven't posted anything in a while and I apologize for that, but writing has been super hard lately and the only thing I've found myself able to write is my own personal little one-shots for Ruspru's nationverse lives and I figured, why not share one of them? 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed! Even through my own personal headcanons and things that might not have made sense because, like I said, these are my own personal writings and I never expected to post them but if you have any questions I would be more than happy to answer them.


End file.
